


Two Droids in the Desert (or, this IS the ending you were looking for...)

by Kiwi1018



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Awesome R2-D2 (Star Wars), Ben Solo Deserved Better, But I will never pass up a chance to, C-3PO deserved better, F/M, Humor, It’s really about R2 and 3PO, Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, R2-D2 and C-3PO ride off into the (binary) sunset, R2-D2 deserved better, Rey deserved better, Reylo - Freeform, Save Ben Solo, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Fix-It, Tatooine (Star Wars)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-18
Updated: 2020-09-18
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:08:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26490913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kiwi1018/pseuds/Kiwi1018
Summary: In Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, C-3PO bravely and selflessly sacrificed his memory to Save the Galaxy (TM), then immediately had it restored by R2-D2’s backup files, negating any real sense of sacrifice... or adventure. But what if R2 hadn’t restored 3PO’s memories, and instead had another plan to help his best friend remember the good old days...The ending you didn’t know you were looking for, starring the two droids who started it all!
Relationships: C-3PO & R2-D2 (Star Wars), Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 12
Kudos: 29





	Two Droids in the Desert (or, this IS the ending you were looking for...)

**Author's Note:**

>   
> “It all started with two droids rolling through an alien desert, a concept art painting by Ralph McQuarrie that brought George Lucas’s vision for Star Wars into sharp focus.”  
> [Starwars.com](https://www.starwars.com/news/disney-plus-concept-art)  
> ___________
> 
> “In a note for the second draft (George Lucas) wrote to himself, ‘Whole film must be told from robots’ point of view.’” — [slate.com](http://www.slate.com/articles/arts/cover_story/2015/12/star_wars_is_a_pastiche_how_george_lucas_combined_flash_gordon_westerns.html)  
> ___________

______________

“‘Lars Homestead’?” C-3PO sniffed, adjusting his optical sensors to compensate for the bright sun of mid-day on Tatooine as he followed R2-D2 down the ramp of the _Millennium Falcon._ “A rather generous description if you ask me. It hardly looks fit for habitation.” Dust and sand swirled around them in the eddies formed by the exhalations of the _Falcon’s_ landing gear, and Threepio sighed, already feeling his joints seizing.

“Why exactly are we here?” He asked Artoo, hesitating at the end of the ramp. “You know how I do with sand. Mistress Rey still hasn’t given me that oil bath she promised after our last stop.”

 _Beeeepboo_. Artoo rotated his dome solemnly as he made his own visual survey of the area.

“Laying Master Luke and Princess Leia’s lightsabers to rest?” Threepio repeated thoughtfully.

 _Wootwip_?

“Of course I remember who they are,” Threepio said indignantly. “How could I forget? You regaled me with stories about them the whole way here...”

Threepio rotated his stiff cervical joint, taking in the full scope of the desert landscape. “But why would anyone want to be laid to rest in this desolate place? Whatever could Mistress Rey have been thinking?”

Artoo _beeped_ distractedly.

“Master Ben’s idea? Oh dear, oh dear...” Threepio fretted. “I know my memory hasn’t been what it was since... since... well, I can’t quite remember when. But I do remember how his last idea turned out... That’s why I’m in such need of an oil bath in the first place!”

 _Peepchiirrpboop_ , Artoo pointed out.

“Yes, yes, Naboo was lovely,” Threepio conceded, then waved his good arm dismissively. “But swimming just isn’t compatible with my servomotors. And the sand!”

 _Beepfeeptwittweet_!

“Artoo, you watch your language! I was just surprised, that’s all. It was a perfectly understandable reaction to an unfamiliar situation. How was I to know what a ‘beach’ was? You might have warned me. You know the only thing worse for my joints than dry sand is wet sand,” Threepio chided.

_Beepboopwit!_

“Again, how could I be expected to know that? I’d never been to Naboo before!”

 _Woot_.

“I had?” Threepio asked, mystified at this new information.

 _Bleepboottwiptwootpeep!_ Now it was Artoo’s turn to be indignant.

“Master Anakin and Mistress Padme’s wedding? Who in the Maker’s name are they?”

 _Feepeetwhiptwoot_.

“Master Ben’s grandparents?? Surely I’m not that old,” Threepio moaned.

 _Meepbeepboo_ , Artoo consoled.

“Yes, yes, I believe you Artoo,” Threepio soothed. “I’m sure you’ve told me all of it. You are such a loyal friend. It’s a pity that the brave and noble sacrifice of my long-term memory also degraded my short term memory files...”

 _Bleep?_ Artoo asked with mock surprise.

“Ah. Yes, I suppose I have mentioned that before. It just all feels so... recent, to me,” Threepio sighed.

Artoo rolled his dome and _trilled_ sympathetically.

“Well, here goes,” Threepio declared as he stepped boldly off the ramp into the bright sun. “I’ll just be sure to stay away from the water.”

 _Beeboop_.

“What do you mean, _‘no water.’_ Sand without a beach? Oh dear. There is an excess of variety in this galaxy if you ask me. Wholly unpredictable. Just as I think I’m beginning to figure things out...again...” Threepio lamented. “I suppose I’ll never get that oil bath.”

 _Chirrptwill_!

“Have one here? Now you’re delusional, Artoo. How could there possibly be accommodation for that in such a forsaken place... it looks as though it’s been abandoned for years.”

 _Whitwhoo_ , Artoo cooed fondly.

“We met here?” Threepio said doubtfully. “I certainly think I’d remember where we met, Artoo... What in the worlds were we doing here?”

 _Boopbeepmmm_.

“I was made here...?” Threepio repeated, looking around with a new appreciation. “Hm. It must be a more illustrious planet than it seems at first glance.”

 _Eepfweep_!

“Yes, yes, Artoo, I know you said this was the home of the Maker... but I must admit... it’s not what I was expecting...”

*****  
*****

“Are you sure Artoo’s backups of Threepio’s memory are corrupted?” Ben asked, as he and Rey sat together later in the lengthening shadows of the binary sunset. “I mean, have you actually checked?”

Rey narrowed her eyes at him. “I offered,” she defended. “He declined. I’m certainly not one to infringe on a droid’s autonomy. Especially one as venerable as Artoo.”

“Sure, sure,” Ben said easily. “It’s just...” he cleared his throat. “How long do we have to keep this up? With them?”

“Ben.” Rey chided. “You know that Artoo thinks visiting sites of past significance could trigger a reboot of Threepio’s memories. So it only made sense to bring them along on our galactic tour of Skywalker family history.”

“And here I thought it was a honeymoon,” Ben grumbled.

“Call it what you will,” she said primly. “But it’s the least we can do for him, after what he sacrificed.”

“Well...” Ben said finally, watching Artoo and Threepio emerge from the detached workshop, still clucking and fretting together like a pair of matronly hens. “It doesn’t seem to be working.”

“We’ve only made a few stops,” Rey said doubtfully. “Maybe it’s too soon to tell. But, to be honest,” she smiled, “I’ve never seen Artoo so... _chipper_.”

Ben nodded, conceding. “I think he’s happy to be useful again... And after everything he’s done for the galaxy, for my family... I guess he’s earned it.”

Rey squeezed his hand. “You do have a soft spot for droids after all.”

“Sure, sweetheart.” Ben rolled his eyes. “You must be rubbing off on me. If only we’d brought along the Ball and the Squeaker, it’d be a real party.”

“Oh,” Rey sighed wistfully. “That’s true...BB-8 and D-O would have loved it.”

“Mmm,” he rumbled, shaking his head ruefully. “So... where to next? I’m about done with the desert.”

“Lightweight.” Rey teased. She was quiet for a moment. “I was thinking... maybe... Endor?”

Ben groaned, tipping his face to the rapidly darkening desert sky.

“What?” Rey protested with a laugh. “Your mother seemed rather fond of it.”

“I can’t imagine why,” Ben said dryly. “They got married there, and you know how that turned out.”

“We already took care of that on Naboo,” she reminded him sweetly, “so no worries about following in your parents’ footsteps there...”

Ben coughed, turning away, and Rey laughed, her joy catching on the evening breeze to echo around the ruins of the Lars family homestead.

“We should ask Artoo,” Ben said finally. “This is his mission.”

“Fair enough. Ay, Artoo?” Rey called to the droids. “What do you say we hit Endor next?”

Artoo twirled his dome in their direction and expelled a long string of excited, slightly manic tones.

“I guess that’s a yes,” Ben sighed.

*****  
*****

“The forest moon of Endor?” Threepio repeated, trying to locate any previous reference to that name in his wholly unreliable databanks.

 _Boopbeepdwilltwip_.

“Ewoks?”

 _Bliptwilldweepcheepchirrup_.

“Tree houses? That sounds rather primitive. But I don't believe I’m afraid of heights, as far as I can remember, so as long as there’s no sand...”

 _Twroooooo_!

“What do you mean they’ll think it’s the ‘ _second coming?_ ’ Second coming of what? Oh dear, oh dear... What will you get me into this time, Artoo?”

______________

**Author's Note:**

> Sure, it totally works without Ben Solo. But still. Never waste an opportunity to #savebensolo  
> ___________  
> And so the saga comes full circle, as Rey, R2-D2 and C-3PO stare off into the Tatooine sunset, ready to begin their adventures all over again...  
> 


End file.
